Several years of chemical sensitivities that cause vertigo, migraines, and insomnia coupled with a difficult past 6 months including a broken shoulder, caring for family members with major medical issues, and worsening insomnia have been difficult but sanctifying. I keep hoping that a period of rest will come, thinking that a reprieve from trials is what is needed in order to accomplish this. However, God’s understanding is beyond mine. I have entered through the door of a new challenge… breast cancer.
As I am struggling to recover from surgery with intense dizziness from anesthesia, I feel overwhelmed by the prospect of more chemicals being pumped into my body. My circumstances appear as a tidal wave of physical suffering bearing down on my already weakened body, a body that does not process chemicals well.
Thankfully, I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me, and the words to this song are coming to my mind frequently:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace
I have been spending a lot of time pondering what it means to “turn my eyes upon Jesus.” This is something God must be wanting me to think about, because truths that I knew at a surface level have become more significant to me in my reflection.
As I turn to Jesus, I think of the sovereignty of the Father who created all things, parted the sea when the Israelites felt trapped, gave words of prophecy about the coming messiah that proved to be true when Jesus came in complete fulfillment of them, and raised His Son from death to everlasting life. This power is available to me as one of His children (Ephesians 1:18-19).
As I turn to Jesus, I think of Him dying on the cross to provide a way for me to be forgiven of my sins and one day live with Him for all eternity in a place that will be free from suffering. Jesus is advocating for me right now and every day to ensure that this promise will be fulfilled (Romans 8:34).
As I turn to Jesus, I think of the Holy Spirit living inside of me, sent to be my Helper to keep my eyes turned to Jesus when my circumstances seem too painful to bear. The Holy Spirit helps me to endure by bringing truths to my mind, truths taught by Jesus in order to help us be peaceful (John 14:26-27).
As long as I dwell on these things, the difficult circumstances of my world do grow dimmer. I acknowledge though, that this is a moment by moment battle at times. The physical sensations grab my attention, causing me to lose my focus on Jesus for a time. Thankfully, He is more than able and promises to hold onto me (Isaiah 41:10).
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.