My tears have fallen frequently as I attempt to absorb the losses that keep coming. As I write, I am thinking of the dilemma that currently tests me. The vertigo I experienced following the surgery to remove my tumor has lessened significantly, but I am still unable to lie in any position except on my right side without dizziness. My right hip is complaining, making sleep more difficult. I was thinking today, “Something has to give. Either my hip has to stop hurting or I have to be able to lie in other positions. I have to sleep in order to heal and fight cancer!”
Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
An interesting thing has happened during these years of my physical affliction; my desires have changed. At one time, I had a strong desire to go back out into the workforce once our children’s needs didn’t require me to be at home full time. I had visions of contributing to our household income so that we could live the way we thought we wanted to live. The prestige of the positions I had trained for called me to keep the pace going by striving to attain even more. Requests from customers and previous coworkers for me to return to this course stoked my pride and kept my head turned to what seemed most desirable at the time. As a result, I didn’t see the alternative, cooking and cleaning at home, as something that would be satisfying at all.
All block quotes are from “Prayer, the Cure for Care” by Charles Spurgeon
Turn everything that is a care into a prayer. Let your cares be the raw material of your prayers, and as the alchemists hoped to turn dross into gold, so do you, by a holy alchemy, actually turn what naturally would have been a care into spiritual treasure in the form of prayer. Baptize every anxiety into the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, and so make it into a blessing.
Some have wondered how I have been able to have joy in the midst of physical suffering. There is only one answer to that question: my faith. I used to wonder how a person’s faith could provide strength to bear afflictions. Now I know, and I want others to know.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)